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If you’re interested in having Nan speak to your
corporate, university or women’s group, or conduct a
workshop within your organization,
e-mail her.
I wrote I Can’t Believe She Did That because I wanted
to provoke discussion among all women about the
conflicts and competition we encounter with one another
in our professional relationships. My hope is that
working women everywhere — in reading groups, in
offices, in networking groups and professional
organizations, or just gathering over lunch or drinks —
will begin seriously discussing the issues raised in
this book. Open communication is a critical first step
towards resolving our conflicts and getting on with our
professional lives.
These questions from the survey filled out by all the
women I interviewed can help launch a discussion within
your reading group, workshop or women’s organization:
(Here's a
printer-friendly version, if that's easier for you)
1. Do you consider yourself an ambitious person? Why
or why not? Is being ambitious a positive quality?
2. Do you consider yourself a competitive person? Why
or why not? Is being competitive a positive quality?
3. Have you experienced competition with another
woman in the workplace? Do you wish things had played
out differently? If so, how?
4. Have you experienced conflict with another woman
in the workplace? Do you wish things had played out
differently? If so, how?
5. Have you ever had a problem with a female
colleague you couldn’t resolve to your satisfaction?
What happened?
6. Have you ever behaved towards a female colleague
in a way that you weren’t proud of or satisfied with?
Why do you think this happened?
7. Have you ever had a female boss? How would you
describe your relationship? How did you deal with
conflicts?
8. Have you ever been a boss? How would you describe
your relationships to your female employees? How did you
deal with conflicts?
9. Have you had any female mentors or role models in
the workplace? What was the relationship like? Were
there any problems?
10. Have you ever experienced racism or
discrimination from another woman in the workplace?
11. Did you participate in competitive sports or
games with other girls growing up? Do you do so now? How
does what you learned on the “playing field” transfer to
the workplace, if at all?
12. While growing up, what messages did you absorb
about competition and conflict with other girls or
women? How do you think this transfers to the workplace,
if at all?
13. How much of a responsibility do you think women
have to support other women professionally? Why or why
not? How often do you think this occurs?
14. What do you consider the main cause of problems
among women in the workplace? What, if anything, can we
do about it?
Additional Questions:
1. After reading I Can’t Believe She Did That, what
do you think are the most important steps women can
begin taking to work together more productively? Have
each person come up with one thing they can begin to do
as an individual.
2. Do you think conflict and competition among women
on the job is a bad thing? Why or why not? What is the
difference between healthy and unhealthy competition?
3. How do women’s professional relationships differ
from our personal relationships with one another?
4. Are you dealing with any difficult situations
among your female colleagues right now? What steps could
you begin taking to improve the situation?
5. What fears or doubts do you have about openly
addressing problems with your female colleagues?
6. Why is it important that women start to discuss
and address the problems in our professional
relationships? What will happen if we don’t?
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